


Nightmares Always Hang On Past The Dream

by Riddleisourking, ThiefOfADHD (orphan_account)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Also there will be a house tour and boy Keith's place is gay, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Autistic Keith (Voltron), Autistic Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bruises, But like only referenced, Do I torture my baby boy? Yes, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gay Keith (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Abuse, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, M/M, Mentioned Hunk (Voltron), Mild Hurt/Comfort, My fiancée (Riddle) is asleep and I'm not and it is 2:30 am so update yay, Non-Binary Keith (Voltron), Non-Binary Lance (Voltron), Punk/Hidge roommates lmao, References to Depression, Strap in bc oh Jesus Christ you might suffer idk, Suicide Attempt, There is so much more to come, Trans Keith (Voltron), YouTuber's AU, Youtube AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-20 18:43:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15540597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riddleisourking/pseuds/Riddleisourking, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ThiefOfADHD
Summary: “She's all I have, Keith.”“No she isn't. You have your familia, your friends… We're all here for you, Lance.” He paused, drawing in a long breath. “Look, come stay with me in Paris for a few days. You can upload content, vlog, shop, and I can show you all the tourist attractions. I'll even buy you a roundtrip ticket.”The silence on the other end was deafening. “Thank you.”





	1. Predicaments

**Author's Note:**

> Very difficult and is mentioned in the fanfiction, but: Keith's non-binary with he/him pronouns. He is also afab/dfab (assigned/designated female at birth).

“And I'm signing off on that note. Remember to embrace your inner wolf and smack that subscribe button.” He gave a smile to the camera and saluted before turning it off.

Now, he only needed to upload it to his channel and wait for his subscribers to watch the video. It was an important life lesson that everyone in the trans community could learn from and hopefully, it didn't fall on deaf ears and actually helped some of the less fortunate out. After all, not everyone could afford a binder.

When he first found out that he was non-binary, that had been before computers and the internet were just a click of a button away, ready to load any result there was that would help him get more comfortable in his skin. As a result, his ribs and lungs suffered the abuse inflicted on them with ace bandages.

Nowadays, most transmen (and cosplayers for that matter) knew that ace bandages were synonymous with broken ribs and what chest binders are. Back then, that had taken several trial and errors for him to figure out. At one point, he even bulked out on sports bras just to try to make his chest flat.

With his somewhat-small chest, that hadn't been too much of an issue. He really had to feel for those transmen that were unlucky enough to have big chests. It really breaks his heart every time a fan popped into his inbox, asking questions about safe binding techniques for larger chests.

Of course, he more than happily gave them answers and routinely used the money from his videos to buy binders for closeted or poor tweens, teens, and whoever else watched his videos. Surprisingly, it didn't put even a dent in his banking account.

He switched tabs with his newest video was being processed and sipped his coffee. He was looking over how to start his own scholarship program to help the less fortunate trans community get through college. After all, most trans kids were kicked out on the street after coming out to their parents. It was a sad thing and it happened far too often for it not to be taken seriously.

Establish the funding. 15k, check.

Determine the criteria. Check, it would be based on creativity.

Create the application. Check.

Set the deadline. January - May would work best, so check.

Determine the winners. Not completed yet.

It was only November, still in the late fall months. Either way, he created a Twitter post and linked the scholarship application on it. There. Now they could get a head start on any project that they wanted to create for it.

He switched back to the video tab and groaned. Still only fifteen percent completed. It'd probably take two hours to upload at this rate.

He wheeled back in his chair and got up with his coffee cup, heading down the stairs. His cup was empty now and he quickly needed to replenish it. After all, he would only get cranky without it.

That done, he sat down at his table and fed Wolf some scraps from his early breakfast. It was just one egg and two pieces of sausage. Nothing too harmful.

Then he took his phone out and dialed up Lance Rodriquez Villanueva. Lance was a content creator on YouTube and his current scholarship funds helper. The alpha knew how important the scholarship was to him and he hadn't waited even a second to agree to doing it.

In the past, they both hadn't liked each other at all. That was mostly because Lance saw him as some kind of content rival. If he made a video about the cross examination of Undertale, Lance would be the first to upload a video to debunk it. And the same was true for the reverse. This had caused people to backlash at the alpha, especially since Keith was an open non-binary afab (assigned female at birth) man. Difficult label, even for himself, but he found non-binary to be the best fit for him while also finding male pronouns to fit him, the fact he was gay was the only simple part about it. He encouraged his fans to do the same.

It still broke his heart over what had happened to Lance in the process. But luckily, they grew out of that phase and now have settled into a friendship. Just a friendship. Completely platonic friendship. No romantic feelings at all in it.

“Hey!” Lance’s kind, ecstatic voice came  through the phone. “What's up, Keith?” He asked, letting out a groan that could only be from a stretch.

“Well, I posted our scholarship up. Just a head's up for if anyone chews our heads up because we're not including cis fans.” He drawled out, petting Wolf's head. “Are you going to PAX East this year?”

Lance let out a long sigh. “Yeah, probably.” He mumbled. There was… something off about it. Like he wasn't sure of what he was saying.

“What? What's wrong? You're not coming?” He was speaking too fast for his thoughts to catch up to him, but when he paused the answer became obvious.

Lance had been with his abusive, manipulative girlfriend Rachel for going on two and a half years now. Not only did Rachel hit him, but she also routinely ran down his self-esteem to the point that he relied on her to give him permission to go places. PAX East wasn't Rachel's scene and because of it, Lance wouldn't be allowed to go.

“She's toxic, Lance. You can't keep doing this to yourself.” He spoke softly, his hand clenched around his phone. “Seeing your fans and hanging out with them each year makes you so happy. Even Pidge and Hunk and Allura say that they've never seen you happier than when you're around your fans.”

“Mh.” Was Lance’s only response, and it was only making the situation they were both in more heartbreaking. “She's all I have, Keith.” He finally spoke up, and the reality of it set in.

“No she isn't. You have your familia, your friends… We're all here for you, Lance.” He paused, drawing in a long breath. “Look, come stay with me in Paris for a few days. You can upload content, vlog, shop, and I can show you all the tourist attractions. I'll even buy you a roundtrip ticket.”

The silence on the other end was deafening. “Thank you.” It came out choked, warbled. The alpha, although clearly taken aback by this, had always been sensitive and emotional. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Sobs echoed through the receiver of the phone as he was thanked over and over.

He stood again, going up to his content room, “It's- it'll be a good time for you. I'll send you the tickets and then you'll have to pack your things and get your hot Cuban ass over here.” He treaded lightly.

“Okay- okay- wait.” He paused, still clearly crying. “Email me the confirmation stuff. I'll pick the tickets up at the airport.” He told him. “But, make it for this Saturday. Rachel’s going to visit her family on Thursday in Los Angeles, and she's going to be back Sunday, but she's leaving me here alone. It'll be the best time for me to leave.”

“Will do.” He sat down in his chair and sighed. “And Lance? You are so not forcing one of your weird masks on me this time.”

“No, I'm gonna. You know the rules. When I'm there, we're doing beauty care routines daily. Your face will thank me, dammit.” He laughed, sniffling through the phone. “I gotta  go, lemme know when you get the tickets.”

“Sure thing, hon. You take care now, I'll talk to you in a lil’ while.” He waited a tick and then hung up, a goofy smile filling in his face. 

This would be really good for Lance, he hoped.


	2. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance finally arrived, flashbacks ensue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **  
>  **   
>  _Major Suicide Mention Warning_   
> 

Keith waited for Lance at the airport, watching tourists laughing and talking at the baggage claim. He was growing antsy. He arrived five minutes before Lance’s flight was supposed to arrive but it felt like hours had already passed by. He was impatient, he needed to know Lance made it on the plane alright. He was worried that Rachel might've found out and prevented him from coming.

When he saw the Cuban’s dark caramel hair and matching tanned complexion, he finally relaxed. Rachel hadn't interfered with their plans; Lance was here and safe. Safe from any further abuse from her.

Even now as he watched the alpha, he took in the tense shoulders, ramrod back, and the furtive glances he gave the other arrivals. He kept a good five foot distance between himself and the others and held a squeezable stress ball in one hand. It was nothing short of what he expected; most abuse victims were iffy about other people and they were prone to anxiety in large crowds.

“Lance!” He waved, watching as the taller man turned and then hesitantly went to him.

“Hey, Keith.” He whispered, hugging him lightly. When Keith hugged him back, a bit tighter than necessary, he heard the alpha wince. His hug instantly loosened and he cursed under his breath. Rachel really did a number on him.

“You okay?” He asked softly, worry in his voice as he searched the other’s blue eyes. They weren't as calm as they normally were. They were trying to fight back tears, whether of pain or something else.

“Mhm.” He nodded, and the smile on his face was forced. He was trying so hard not to show his actual feelings. It hurt Keith.

A flashback came to mind.

* * *

_“Um, hi. I know this isn't my ordinary format, but this is- this uh- this is too serious to talk about in my normal, upbeat way.”_

_The video was titled ‘The Truth about Villanueva’, and the only part of the description that showed was a ‘Please read for warnings before watching’._

_Keith paused the video. It had been uploaded not even a minute ago, and after an unusual hiatus coming from the alpha Youtuber. He had to-_

_‘For anyone wondering, my sudden disappearance from social media is referenced around 4:27. If you are uncomfortable with discussions of gender identity, sexuality, mental illnesses, and anything involving death, I suggest you click off the video and see my blog post that gives a more sensitive approach to all of this.’_

* * *

“You wanna go get your bags?” He asked, rubbing the alpha’s arm lightly as he led him to baggage claim. He tried to push back things about the alpha that he felt. He cared  about him, he was his business partner, his friend. He loved him.

But, platonically. Of course.

The lie, of course it was a lie, hit him like an arrow to the heart. A shiver fell over him, raising goosebumps all the way from his legs to his chest.

When Lance wasn't looking at him, he rubbed his sternum rougher than he meant to. A phantom pain had started there and swept to his stomach. He could feel nausea rising in him. God, he might actually throw up.

“Keith?”

His eyes flew open and not missing a beat, he grinned at him, “Just an autism spark up, don't worry.” He lied.

* * *

_“A lot of people have been harassing me on social media, calling me homophobic and transphobic because I have a rivalry with a non-binary gay trans man.” Lance’s voice was hoarse, and he looked exhausted. He hadn't done his facial routine - a thing that Keith did a react video to and was the only positive critique he made where he wanted to try a bit of it._

_“Things like this are hurtful- oh and don't give me that ‘oh, he's being overly sensitive because we caught him’ bullshit. Okay? I'm not transphobic or homophobic at all.”_

_Keith could see the alpha’s tears falling down his face. The video was obviously emotional for him. The video had a sudden jumpcut._

_“I wanted to make this video to address the things everyone has said about me. I've been getting hate to the point that I had to get off social media completely. It was too overwhelming, but that isn't all that happened.” He took a deep breath, his eyes puffy from crying._

_“I tried to kill myself.”_

_He froze._

* * *

Lance was quiet during the walk to the subway.

“So uh, how was your flight?” He asked.

“It was nice…” He moved, taking Keith’s sleeve suddenly. “I have my phone turned off still, I'm scared that Rachel is calling and texting me.”

“I know, Lance.” He stopped walking, looking at the alpha. “Hey, if you want, we can go to a shop and take a break. If you need to, I'll be a shoulder to cry on. I'll order for you.” He knew the alpha’s French was good, but he was upset and he knew his words would keep catching on English and Spanish.

Lance nodded. “Thank you.”

* * *

 _“The truth is, I've been dealing with severe depression and mild autism and ADHD my whole life. I started YouTube to help myself get through it, and I do all the things I do to help myself get through it. But all the hate… it got to me.” His voice broke, tears falling faster down his face. “It got so bad that I ended up_ _in the hospital for a week from my suicide attempt before_ _going and staying with my parents in Varadero. My mamá had to convince her boss to let her be off work on vacation for two weeks to make sure I had someone with me at all times.”_

_Dread pooled in his chest and he started at the feel of wet drops on his face. The ceiling had just been redone after a water pipe had exploded in the attic, so... he pressed a hand to his cheek- Right. He was crying._

_God, when was the last time that he had cried? He couldn't remember, it had probably in his tweens. With his brand of autism, he couldn't feel emotions well and that meant that crying was off of the table except for in severe cases._

_“But, aside from that, I wanted to tell you guys the truth. I'm not joking, and you know I wouldn't lie to you. But, I'm non-binary. And I'm bisexual. I only let people that are close to me or who don't know that I'm non-binary use he/him pronouns, and… only my family, and now you guys, know that I'm bisexual.”_

* * *

As they waited on the subway, Keith took the time to properly examine Lance.

The last he saw him had been at PAX East a year ago, but a year was more than enough to change a person. Especially someone as expressive as Lance who constantly took in stride the changing politics and fashions and made them into his own.

Lance’s hair, no longer as short as it had been, now fell thick and curly on his head. A result of not thinning his hair, obviously. Somehow, the look really suited him and if heat rose to his face, he wouldn't admit to it.

Far from his hiatus, Lance's skin shone healthily and- He stilled. He was wearing makeup. An unusual amount of makeup, actually.

He wet his thumb and reached out, smearing the makeup away from his cheek. An ugly, nearly black bruise stared back at him and his heart all but stopped. He was going to get sick.

He retched dryly between them both. It was enough for several people to move far away and then he really did lose his stomach contents.

“Keith, are you okay?” Lance asked, kneeling next to him as he fixed his makeup to hide the bruising. He pulled a napkin from his pocket, giving it to Keith gently.

He swipes the napkin over his mouth roughly, “God- wow- uh, yeah, no. No I'm not. She- you…” He articulated horribly as he gestured to Lance's face. Then, oh, then he pulled him into another hug. God, Lance really needed several hugs.

Lance grew tense in the hug, moving into it more suddenly as he whimpered. There must've been a lot of places where he was bruised up if his reaction was anything to go by. Honestly, he doubted that that was all that Rachel had done to him.

“Should- I have- Do you have insurance? Health insurance? We can stop by the hospital?” He wasn't sure what his legs were doing but they were trembling and he gripped a pole, inwardly cringing because of how filthy it probably was.

Lance lifted him up instead, holding him as they stepped towards a place they could sit down. He reached into his bag, giving Keith a half-drank bottle of water (airline water bottle, clearly). He instantly drank it.

“I doubt they'll accept American health insurance.” He admitted softly.

“Damn. Well, at least let me-” He tugged at Lance's shirt, pushing it up a bit to-

Lance shoved his shirt down instantly, but not before Keith could see several scars and bruises all over his chest. It was very clear that Rachel had done a number on him, possibly even tried to-

“You can't go back to her.” He spoke softly. Lance only nodded, moving to rest his head against Keith’s chest.

Keith froze, his heart sank low in his chest and he paused with his arms held far away from Lance. What was he supposed to do now? Lance needed to be comforted, he needed to be hugged. He didn't realize just how freaked out he was until his breath started catching.

“Keith-” Lance pulled away. “Keith, fuck, I'm sorry.” He whispered, obviously hesitating to touch him. His hands were out to cup Keith’s cheeks, but they also remained halfway between them.

Hesitantly, Keith grabbed his hands and pressed them to his face, “Lance.” He struggled out. The alpha’s thumbs suddenly caressed Keith’s cheeks, a soft, comforting scent surrounding them both. Others might've smelled something else entirely, but to Keith, it smelled like what could only be described as a sunny day at the beach.

Whether it was the autism or just how his brain was wired, but the scent of sea breeze, summer air, pretzels, and a small hint of campfire was designated as two blues and a sand color. A sunny day at a beach.

“It's okay, Keith. I forgot that you had problems with affection.” He whispered. “It's okay.”

Keith shut his eyes, nodding. “It's okay. I'll be fine soon. I know you need the comfort, too.” He admitted.

The subway called out their destination, and he hesitantly got up. “C'mon, we gotta go.”

* * *

_”Pidge, do you have Lance Villanueva’s phone number?”_

_Keith didn't want to talk about the video, the tweets, Lance’s only tweet besides the new video was that he was gonna be gone for another two weeks. Two weeks was too long._

_“And why, might I ask?” He could feel her eye roll and see her spinning in her chair._

_“His um, his video. I want to talk to him, but-”_

_“5, 6, 2-” Keith about panicked, grabbing his phone pad before scribbling the numbers down. “2, 4, 7, 91, 24.”_

_“Shit, Pidge thank you!” He whispered to her, getting the number set up for a long distance call from France. 0-1-562-247-9124. That's, Jesus that is a long number to dial._

_“No problemo- I gotta go. Hunk’s making me go with him to pick up groceries.” She laughed._

_“You two act like a couple. You sure you're not hiding anyth-”_

_“My fucking God, Kogane! First my dad, then Hunk’s moms, and now you?! Jesus, I'm not into him!” She scoffed. “I'll call you later, see ya!”_

_“See ya.” He mimicked, hanging up. He took a deep breath, yawning suddenly before calling the number._

* * *

 Lance carried his bags into the apartment, Keith leading him in.

“Hey, um… Keith?” Lance asked suddenly. “I, um, do you mind if I get washed up?” Keith looked at him, he was nervously looking around, and he looked like he was about to cry.

“Go ahead. Bathroom is second door on the left. I uh, I don't have an extra bedroom, but you can share my bed with me.” He offered.

Lance only nodded, giving Keith his two larger suitcase before holding his final, carry-on, bag close. “Can um, uh, do you- can-”

“Want me to unpack for you?” Keith asked suddenly. He didn't normally clue in on things, but judging from the actions he could only guess. Lance nodded, going to the bathroom quickly. Keith watched Wolf follow him in, not bothering to stop her as he watched the alpha shut her in.

Taking Lance’s bags into his room, he smiled. Lance was there, Lance was with him. Lance was finally, and hopefully, safe.


End file.
